A significant part of this internship with Servant Partners is learning how to better use our words to lead and teach devotionals, sermons, etc. I hate public speaking, always have. But I am very excited to grow in this department. I can't be very effective in ministry if I never use my words to encourage, teach, exhort, and comfort those around me. I'm praying that God will do a miracle in me over the next 2 years by developing my confidence in public speaking.
Last night I gave my first devotional to the team. Yeah, I was nervous, but I did it, and survived! I am so thankful for my team for giving me a safe place to develop as a teacher of God's word. Unfortunately, I'm definitely turning into my mom (& dad). Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my mom and dad, and would be lucky to grow up to be so loving and wise and supportive. BUT... they're both a couple of criers! Haha... I started to tear up a bit toward the end of my talk, and then completely lost it during the critique time at the end. But it wasn't a bad critique. Our intern leader Daniel looked me straight in the eyes and told me, "You did a great job! Let God use your words! God has given you authority to speak!" Thank you, Lord, for speaking through me, for being strong in my weakness, and for being my comfort in the midst of fear.
I'll go ahead and paste my written devotional below, if you're interested in giving it a read:
It seems that one of the most common questions in the human experience, especially in the Christian experience is: What is God’s plan for my life??
It’s easy to get trapped in the never-ending questioning: Am I on the right path? When is God going to reveal the mighty plans he has for my life? Is God calling me to this particular place/job/ministry? What if I just completely miss the boat and miss out on God’s perfect plan for me?
I know I struggle to discern God’s call and will in my life. I have certain desires and passions, but do they align with God’s work in my life and the world? How do I figure out if this particular path is the path I should take?
When I was deciding whether or not to pursue the SP internship, all of these questions were swirling around in my head! One night while I was working my way through the Old Testament, I stumbled across this one passage that completely stopped me in my tracks. It’s at the very end of Exodus. “In all the travels of the Israelites, whenever the cloud lifted from above the tabernacle, they would set out; but if the cloud did not lift, they did not set out—until the day it lifted. So the cloud of the LORD was over the tabernacle by day, and fire was in the cloud by night, in the sight of all the house of Israel during all their travels.” (Exodus 40:36-38)
When I read that passage, I was like Man! That’s so cool. All the Israelites had to do to determine the Lord’s plan was to look to the cloud over the tabernacle. If it was just chillin’ at the tabernacle, they knew to stay put. But if the cloud lifted, they knew to pick up their things and follow the path of the cloud for God’s next step in their journey. I wish discerning God’s will today was so simple! Give me a cloud, Lord! Though it may not look exactly the same in our lives, I do think we can pull some relevant applications out of this passage. Just as the Israelites had to keep their eyes on the cloud to know the Lord’s plan, we too have to look to the Lord each day to live fully within his will. It’s not quite as tangible. We don’t have a literal cloud or column of fire to decide our path. Instead, we fix our eyes on the Lord by staying in his word, by staying connected to him through prayer, and by receiving wise counsel from other Christians around us.
Each new day of unemployment, more fears and questions start to invade my mind. What opportunities do you want me to pursue? How can I best use my resources and the network of people that you’ve placed around me? If you open a particular door, does that mean you want me to walk through it? How long will I be unemployed? Will you provide for my financial and physical needs if money gets tight? How exactly can I know your plan and will for my life??
Well I don’t know that I’ll ever have complete confidence in all the decisions that I’m forced to make each day. All I can really do is to “seek first his kingdom and his righteousness” (Matt 6:33) and trust that the small worldly necessities of life will follow. I know that my main purpose in this life is to seek Jesus with all my heart. And as a natural consequence, I will learn to “trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding; in all my ways I will learn to acknowledge him, and he will make my paths straight.” (Prov. 3:5-6)
Maybe some of you are wrestling with similar questions. Especially being in this internship, it seems like many of us are at a crossroads wondering what God might have for us a little further down the road. I encourage you all to entertain these questions, meditate on them, but don’t let them overwhelm you. Instead, let’s focus on giving all our energy to the Lord and trusting him to lead us down the right path when we come to it.
Some questions to consider:
1 - Am I anxious about the unknown direction of my future? Whether it be money? Job? Career path? Spouse? Devotional topic?
2 - Do I sincerely trust God to guide me daily and lead me down the right path?
3 - How can I more fully submit my plans and anxieties to the LORD?
To close I just want you all to listen and reflect on a passage of scripture. So, I think most of you know that public speaking is not my favorite thing in the world. Yesterday I was feeling super anxious about this devotional. I was feeling very unqualified to talk on this topic and felt like I couldn’t pull all my thoughts together. I cried out to God to help me, to give me a word. I’m not one that very often feels like the Lord speaks to me. But yesterday, he very tangibly answered my cry. He gave me this scripture and after reading it, I felt so much more at peace and I was so thankful for the very real way in which he met me in my fear and anxiety. David wrote this Psalm during the time that Saul was pursuing him and trying to kill him. When he arrived in the Philistine city of Gath, he was afraid that the king would kill him, so he decided to act like a crazy man to avoid being killed. He escaped from the city and ran to a nearby cave to hide out. David did not trust in the plan of the Lord. He allowed his fear to take over and determine his behavior. Later he realized his mistake and praised the Lord for saving him despite his lack of trust. Psalm 34 really gives us some promises to hold onto when we’re tempted to act out of fear rather than trust.
Psalm 34:
1 I will extol the LORD at all times;
his praise will always be on my lips.
2 My soul will boast in the LORD;
let the afflicted hear and rejoice.
3 Glorify the LORD with me;
let us exalt his name together.
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me;
he delivered me from all my fears.
5 Those who look to him are radiant;
their faces are never covered with shame.
6 This poor man called, and the LORD heard him;
he saved him out of all his troubles.
7 The angel of the LORD encamps around those who fear him,
and he delivers them.
8 Taste and see that the LORD is good;
blessed is the man who takes refuge in him.
9 Fear the LORD, you his saints,
for those who fear him lack nothing.
10 The lions may grow weak and hungry,
but those who seek the LORD lack no good thing.
