My meeting went well. It was slightly awkward having all of the attention focused on me for 2 hours and I realized I need to grow in the discipline of self-awareness because it was difficult to answer a lot of the questions. It wasn't exactly as I imagined, but I think a lot of good came of it.
First, there were a lot of good questions about my childhood and what made me the way I am. I've never really thought about it... but it was interesting to go into some of those places and try to find the root to some of my insecurities and fears. It still feels a little foreign, but I'm interested in seeing if the Lord might want to speak into any of those areas. We also talked about the difficulty I have being myself or going deep with new people. One interesting realization that came out of this was that I definitely connect with people best through humor and silliness. People that share my weirdness and quirkiness and affirm the same qualities in myself are the more fun and easiest to get to know. But I was challenged to learn better how to connect with all people, including those I don't initially click with. Maybe this doesn't seem very possible in the world, but in the Kingdom of God, it is very possible to have a deep and fruitful relationship with someone totally different from myself, through God's grace.
Moving on to giftedness... we decided that my most prominent natural abilities are ownership/responsibility and excellence-orientation. And my most prominent acquired skills are organizing/planning/delegating and customer relations/service. These gifts seem to be especially valuable in serving in supporting and behind-the-scenes capacities - which partner well with some of the spiritual gifts that were affirmed in me. I also like to utilize some of these skills to realize the dreams and visions of others. While I am not a gifted visionary on my own, I really enjoy partnering with others that have an apostolic/visioning gift in order to help them take the steps necessary to bring their dreams to life.
It seems like my most dominant spiritual gift, as least at this point in time, is mercy. And many of the other love gifts (giving, helps, governments) seem to flow out of this mercy gift. When I encounter a person or a situation that brings me to a place of great empathy, I am often moved to action through giving, serving, and organizing a way to meet a felt need. I feel very alive in these settings and receive joy when I am able to bless others and practically respond to situations of pain and injustice.
Despite a lot of my timidity issues, there seem to be a few word gifts lurking under the surface - especially exhortation, pastoring, and maybe teaching. I have exercised some these gifts in very intimate settings - with close friends or small groups, but still lack the confidence to speak out in larger group settings or with people that I don't know as well. Definitely as issue of confidence and authority. I realized that I assign authority to people with lots of knowledge, training, education, and experience. But this is the world's definition of authority. On the other hand, Jesus decided to give authority to young, inexperienced, uneducated disciples. They healed the sick, performed miracles, and cast out demons, drawing their authority from the source - Jesus Christ himself. When we come into the Kingdom of God, the Holy Spirit gives us authority to speak truth and preach the gospel. While some Christians seem to have more spiritual authority than others, we all have these basic points of authority.
The next step in really owning and unearthing these word gifts really seems to involve embracing the authority that I have as an ambassador of Christ through the work of the Holy Spirit. In those situations where I feel great empathy and grief, I will be able to speak encouraging words of love and truth. Where I see apathy and inaction, I will be able to speak words of correction and rebuke - not from a place of perfection but from a place of believing God when He says that He intended more.
Finally... I'm learning to embrace the truth that all growth comes through risk. I need to let go of my tendencies toward perfectionism and define the new meaning of excellence as a place in which I risk boldly for Jesus. My worth does not come from what I achieve on my own, but what I trust God to do through me. Once again I commit to take courage and step out in faith, trusting God to be at my side and transform me into a new creation, for the glory of His name.
What a thoughtful and thought-provoking post. Thanks for sharing. I can definitely relate to the issues of timidity and speaking out in large groups. My gifts also seem to lie in the areas of mercy and giving and service. I am so glad God can use each of us for His glory!
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