Dreams

I rarely remember my dreams these days. Usually when I do dream, they seem to be a random mess of unconscious thoughts. But every once in a while my dreams seem very significant. It was a dream in fact that convinced me to accept the offer to come out to Los Angeles for the Servant Partners internship. On these rare occasions, it seems like God gets into my subconscious and gives me a surprising insight. Last night seemed to be one of these significant dreams.

The dream went something like this. I was at a water park about to go down a water slide. I don't remember being there with anyone in particular. At the top of the slide there was a bit of chaos and four of us jumped into the slide in quick succession. Some crazy disaster occurred inside the slide and a young man sustained a major injury, severing his leg in two. When I realized what happened, I immediately felt responsible. "Why did I cause the chaos at the start of the slide that led to this tragic accident??" The next thing I know I'm pleading with the man to go to the hospital to get his leg fixed. The man says he can't go to the hospital because he has no money. I am overcome with emotion and beg him to go! It feels like his life is at stake and it doesn't seem fair that money should keep him from living! Then I burst into a random cafe and plead with the customers sitting inside. "Please help! This man has just severed his leg in two! He has to go to the hospital, but he doesn't have any money! Please give what you can to help him!" Everyone just stares at me blankly. I become irate. I can't believe that no one will help. I can't believe that I am completely powerless to help this man! I collapse and weep with sadness.

I quickly wake up within the weeping. The dream still seems so real and I continue to wail for the fate of this man. When I realize it was all a dream, I cry out to God. What was that about?? Why am I so upset about this dream? I felt like God was asking me to give up this man to him. No matter what I try to do, I cannot save this man. God was asking me to remove myself from the position of savior. He was asking me to trust Him with this man's life. He also asked me why I didn't point this man to Him rather than run around frantically, void of hope. He was asking me to trust Him within dark and heavy circumstances. He was asking me to remember His love for the poor, the hurting, the fatherless, His promise to redeem the brokenness of the world.

It was a good reminder. I will encounter much darkness in this world, especially along the ministry road that I am going down. I will feel hopeless and powerless in the face of suffering. But will this powerlessness change my perception of God? As God continues to bring up for me: despite the circumstances of this world, God is yet good.