I've been back in the States now for almost a month. I am living in Colorado with my parents and I find myself in yet another season of transition. While I am happy to be near my family and to spend quality time with my niece and nephew, there are many things that are hard. Again, I find myself without a close community, without a job, without a rhythm. There are so many unknowns and so little structure, that I struggle to make the most of each day. But once again I am called to be patient, rely on the Lord for my strength, and trust in his provision and timing. Another thing that makes this transition difficult is the fact that I will most likely only be here for about a year!
After much prayer and processing, I have decided to apply to be on staff with the Word Made Flesh team in Bolivia! While no ministry is perfect, I am encouraged that Word Made Flesh seems to be a good fit - both community-wise and mission-wise. I love their heart for the poor. I love their commitment to simplicity and incarnation. I love their posture of learning with and from the locals. And I love their heart for the Lord and their continual posture of prayer.
So, I hope to work part time, get plugged into my church in Denver, and spend quality time with my family during this year. But most of all, I hope to prepare for a long term commitment to ministry in Bolivia. I still feel like I'm in transition... but soon I will begin the process of returning to Bolivia. What does this process look like? Well, I will fill out an application. Then I will interview with WMF staff in Bolivia and the States. Then I may take a trip to Omaha, NE to get commissioned. And then, I will work on raising funds for my ministry. I don't really know how long all of this will take, but I am estimating that it might be about 10 months to a year until head back to Bolivia.
I hope to keep you updated throughout the application, fundraising, and preparation process right here on this blog. I would really treasure your prayers during this time! Thank you for the commitment you have made to journey with me through this process! I am so grateful.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Thursday, October 25, 2012
Sights and Sounds
The ministry in Bolivia works with women and families affected by prostitution. When deciding to work with this particular ministry, I did not feel a specific call to this demographic, but felt like God was inviting me to learn with him. During my 9 week internship, they slowly eased us into this new world. We spent about a month educating ourselves on the realities of prostitution and sex trafficking. Even though the people in the articles and videos were not personal friends, I felt a huge emotional burden as I began to step into their world. The realities of the sex trade are startling and sickening. The reality of a person selling their body, whether by "choice" or force, dozens of times a night is a dark and tragic existence. I found myself incredibly overwhelmed and angered by the situation. And my biggest struggle was a temptation to harbor hate and bitterness towards the "johns" and the brothel owners and crumble under the paralysis of hopelessness.
Towards the end of my time with the ministry, I was able to join a few of the staff members for their weekly visit to the brothels. I went into the night feeling scared and nervous about what kind of things my eyes might see and what kind of emotions might well up in my heart. Thankfully, we begin the night in prayer, giving the Lord our fears and weaknesses and asking for his guidance and protection. The whole night I basically stayed back and solely focused on observing and taking in the surroundings. We visited about three brothels that night. We spent our energies walking through each of the brothels, looking for available girls, introducing ourselves and our center, and getting to know a little of their story.
The brothels were dark and smokey. There were large propane space heaters to keep the buildings warm in the harsh El Alto climate. Dozens of doors lined the hallways, usually on two separate floors. The women stood by their doors waiting for perspective clients. The rooms were tiny - just enough room for a twin bed and a side table, usually lit up with an eerie red light. The women were very diverse in age and appearance. The ages ranged from 15 or so up to mid-50s perhaps. Some of the women were dressed very traditionally, others had more modern sexy clothing, and still others wore absolutely nothing. Before the men started to arrive the women leisurely got themselves ready for their work ahead. Many changed into sexy outfits, many applied thick make-up, others seemed to spend their free time getting high or drunk, and several socialized with their friends and neighbors in the brothel. One image that sticks in my head is of a young woman counting the number of condoms that she had for the evening - there must have been about 20 or 30. In the middle of the brothels there was often a bar and a small convenience store, selling the likes of condoms, lubricators, etc. Around 7pm the men began to flood in. The music got pumped up and the lights turned down. I was overwhelmed by the number of men wondering through the narrow hallways.
As I squeezed past the hundreds of men and dodged their staring eyes, my emotions were running high. I felt grossed out and judgmental of the men. But I also felt sized up and like the men were wondering if we too were offering services. Mostly, the men and the girls were just curious about what we were doing there. The biggest fear I had and the main reason I didn't want to make eye contact with the men was because I was terrified that I would run into someone I knew. But I was surprised and happy that God really seemed to give me an incredible love and compassion for the women. They are each lovely and unique and made in the image of God. They often have husbands and children. They have many challenges, but also joy and so much beauty. I truly believe that if given the choice, each of the women would choose to leave their life in the brothels. But sometimes it's just easier to stay. These women need to know that they are loved and valued by God their Creator. That they are meant for so much more. They need to know that there are other options. There is hope for a better future. I am so grateful to be a part of this important ministry.
Towards the end of my time with the ministry, I was able to join a few of the staff members for their weekly visit to the brothels. I went into the night feeling scared and nervous about what kind of things my eyes might see and what kind of emotions might well up in my heart. Thankfully, we begin the night in prayer, giving the Lord our fears and weaknesses and asking for his guidance and protection. The whole night I basically stayed back and solely focused on observing and taking in the surroundings. We visited about three brothels that night. We spent our energies walking through each of the brothels, looking for available girls, introducing ourselves and our center, and getting to know a little of their story.
The brothels were dark and smokey. There were large propane space heaters to keep the buildings warm in the harsh El Alto climate. Dozens of doors lined the hallways, usually on two separate floors. The women stood by their doors waiting for perspective clients. The rooms were tiny - just enough room for a twin bed and a side table, usually lit up with an eerie red light. The women were very diverse in age and appearance. The ages ranged from 15 or so up to mid-50s perhaps. Some of the women were dressed very traditionally, others had more modern sexy clothing, and still others wore absolutely nothing. Before the men started to arrive the women leisurely got themselves ready for their work ahead. Many changed into sexy outfits, many applied thick make-up, others seemed to spend their free time getting high or drunk, and several socialized with their friends and neighbors in the brothel. One image that sticks in my head is of a young woman counting the number of condoms that she had for the evening - there must have been about 20 or 30. In the middle of the brothels there was often a bar and a small convenience store, selling the likes of condoms, lubricators, etc. Around 7pm the men began to flood in. The music got pumped up and the lights turned down. I was overwhelmed by the number of men wondering through the narrow hallways.
As I squeezed past the hundreds of men and dodged their staring eyes, my emotions were running high. I felt grossed out and judgmental of the men. But I also felt sized up and like the men were wondering if we too were offering services. Mostly, the men and the girls were just curious about what we were doing there. The biggest fear I had and the main reason I didn't want to make eye contact with the men was because I was terrified that I would run into someone I knew. But I was surprised and happy that God really seemed to give me an incredible love and compassion for the women. They are each lovely and unique and made in the image of God. They often have husbands and children. They have many challenges, but also joy and so much beauty. I truly believe that if given the choice, each of the women would choose to leave their life in the brothels. But sometimes it's just easier to stay. These women need to know that they are loved and valued by God their Creator. That they are meant for so much more. They need to know that there are other options. There is hope for a better future. I am so grateful to be a part of this important ministry.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Community
Community was a recurring theme for me in Bolivia. I flew to Bolivia after two intense years in LA, sharing life on so many levels with my Servant Partners internship team. Leaving my community in LA, being the only one of the 12 to do so, and starting life in a foreign land was HARD. For the first several weeks, I experienced intense feelings loneliness, isolation, and sadness. Over time I realized that I was grieving the separation from my friends and community in LA.
Going to Bolivia, I was expecting to receive a clear yes or no in regards to my fit with the organization of Word Made Flesh. And one of my biggest hopes in terms of a ministry to which I could commit my life was an intimate and tight community. Honestly, I was expecting it to closely resemble my community life in LA. My first few weeks in Bolivia left me feeling disappointed and discouraged. The American missionaries seemed to be pretty disconnected - socially, spiritually, and especially geographically. And there seemed to be little shared life among the American and Bolivian staff outside of official work hours. I started to believe that this just wasn't the best fit for me.
But thankfully, time brought clarity, change, and peace of mind. I learned to voices my concerns, needs, and sadness to a couple of my closest friends in the ministry. They responded with love, prayer, and tangible action. My vulnerability allowed me to receive love and healing from my community. From that day on, my sense of community and intimacy with my teammates felt completely different. Also, I was able to process some of my hopes, ideals, and disappointments with some of the veteran staff. I was challenged to consider the importance of sustainability and convicted by the ways that I was judging other peoples' lifestyle adjustments and compromises. I was also deeply encouraged and grateful for the ways that the Lord himself really cared for me in my season of sadness and need. I feel like this season of darkness really helped solidify my trust in God the Father to care for me in amazing ways. I can be sure that whatever community I am surrounded by will NOT be perfect, but I can also be sure that God is able and willing to care for me completely, making up for whatever is lacking in my physical community.
About halfway through my time with the ministry in Bolivia we had a community event. We spent a whole day at a beautiful park and shared life together. We spent about an hour discussing community - what it looks like, what it means to us, how we are/aren't experiencing loving community within the ministry. At first, NO ONE talked, especially the Bolivian staff. But eventually most everyone shared and I was encouraged by the honesty and vulnerability. It was obvious that there were some major holes in our community, but I could also sense an authentic desire to grow and learn to care for one another in a more comprehensive manner. It will take lots of time and intentionality, but I am encouraged and hopeful that all of us (Bolivian and American) can grow and mature as a community.
And even though the WMF community isn't perfect, I am confident that the Lord will provide in incredible ways. Even during my short time in Bolivia, I was encouraged to find community outside of the WMF staff. I feel like the Lord is reassuring me that he would care for me in extravagant and unexpected ways if I were to commit my life to the ministry in Bolivia and that he would provide a loving and diverse community for me.
Going to Bolivia, I was expecting to receive a clear yes or no in regards to my fit with the organization of Word Made Flesh. And one of my biggest hopes in terms of a ministry to which I could commit my life was an intimate and tight community. Honestly, I was expecting it to closely resemble my community life in LA. My first few weeks in Bolivia left me feeling disappointed and discouraged. The American missionaries seemed to be pretty disconnected - socially, spiritually, and especially geographically. And there seemed to be little shared life among the American and Bolivian staff outside of official work hours. I started to believe that this just wasn't the best fit for me.
But thankfully, time brought clarity, change, and peace of mind. I learned to voices my concerns, needs, and sadness to a couple of my closest friends in the ministry. They responded with love, prayer, and tangible action. My vulnerability allowed me to receive love and healing from my community. From that day on, my sense of community and intimacy with my teammates felt completely different. Also, I was able to process some of my hopes, ideals, and disappointments with some of the veteran staff. I was challenged to consider the importance of sustainability and convicted by the ways that I was judging other peoples' lifestyle adjustments and compromises. I was also deeply encouraged and grateful for the ways that the Lord himself really cared for me in my season of sadness and need. I feel like this season of darkness really helped solidify my trust in God the Father to care for me in amazing ways. I can be sure that whatever community I am surrounded by will NOT be perfect, but I can also be sure that God is able and willing to care for me completely, making up for whatever is lacking in my physical community.
About halfway through my time with the ministry in Bolivia we had a community event. We spent a whole day at a beautiful park and shared life together. We spent about an hour discussing community - what it looks like, what it means to us, how we are/aren't experiencing loving community within the ministry. At first, NO ONE talked, especially the Bolivian staff. But eventually most everyone shared and I was encouraged by the honesty and vulnerability. It was obvious that there were some major holes in our community, but I could also sense an authentic desire to grow and learn to care for one another in a more comprehensive manner. It will take lots of time and intentionality, but I am encouraged and hopeful that all of us (Bolivian and American) can grow and mature as a community.
And even though the WMF community isn't perfect, I am confident that the Lord will provide in incredible ways. Even during my short time in Bolivia, I was encouraged to find community outside of the WMF staff. I feel like the Lord is reassuring me that he would care for me in extravagant and unexpected ways if I were to commit my life to the ministry in Bolivia and that he would provide a loving and diverse community for me.
Thursday, August 16, 2012
A weekend in Sorata
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| Our hostel |
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| Mount Illampu and the town of Sorata |
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| Alicia and Me walking to the cave! |
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| So dark and hot in this cave! |
I´m here! ...been here for 4 weeks actually!
Yes, in case you were wondering, I did arrive safely to La Paz. I´ve been here now for nearly 4 weeks. Thankfully I have been safe and healthy and enjoying my time here. But my days have been really full, with little internet time, so I´m sorry for the delay!
I am living with a really nice family in El Alto. They have three grown kids and 4 grandkids. We live near one of the airport property fences and have amazing views of the mountains, especially Huayna Potosi (see photo). It has been cold here, especially at night, but it seems to be warming up a bit. I have 7 thick blankets on my bed and always sleep in wool socks, hat, and gloves. But the days are usually sunny and the mountains are beautiful.
I have been quite busy with the ministry here. I really like the WMF team - they are super nice and fun. Last week the other intern, Ariel, and I gave a presentation about family violence to about 100 family members at a Compassion site. It was pretty intimidating to speak in front of so many people, especially in Spanish, about a topic that I only know about through books. But, praise God, it went really well. The families seemed attentive (except for one or two sleeping moms, haha) and participated in our activities. I hope the talk was informative and helpful for them. The hardest thing was that it was obvious that several of the women were experiencing domestic violence, but have either accepted it as normal or feel helpless. Family violence is a big issue in Bolivia, but I am hopeful because women finally seem to be claiming their voice and realizing their rights for freedom and equality.
We have also begun learning more about the women in our demographic of ministry. While I have known the realities of prostitution and human trafficking for a while, it has been super intense to be learning so much so quickly, especially being right next to the red light district in El Alto. It has been really hard for me emotionally and spiritually, but I am learning to hold tight to the hope we have in Christ and his promise to redeem our broken world. The hardest thing has been realizing that even if dozens of women choose to leave the sex industry, more women will continue to fill their places if we do not address the root issue, which is the tremendous demand for the industry. Mashismo is not dead and it has almost become accepted here for men to buy prostitutes. It has become acceptable to buy and sell people. Pray with me for the redemption of the lives of the women involved in prostitution and for the men that patronize the brothels.
I have also really enjoyed reconnecting with old friends. I am on my way now to play soccer with my old shoeshiner friends! Hopefully I can update you more often! Thanks for your prayers and support!
I am living with a really nice family in El Alto. They have three grown kids and 4 grandkids. We live near one of the airport property fences and have amazing views of the mountains, especially Huayna Potosi (see photo). It has been cold here, especially at night, but it seems to be warming up a bit. I have 7 thick blankets on my bed and always sleep in wool socks, hat, and gloves. But the days are usually sunny and the mountains are beautiful.
I have been quite busy with the ministry here. I really like the WMF team - they are super nice and fun. Last week the other intern, Ariel, and I gave a presentation about family violence to about 100 family members at a Compassion site. It was pretty intimidating to speak in front of so many people, especially in Spanish, about a topic that I only know about through books. But, praise God, it went really well. The families seemed attentive (except for one or two sleeping moms, haha) and participated in our activities. I hope the talk was informative and helpful for them. The hardest thing was that it was obvious that several of the women were experiencing domestic violence, but have either accepted it as normal or feel helpless. Family violence is a big issue in Bolivia, but I am hopeful because women finally seem to be claiming their voice and realizing their rights for freedom and equality.
We have also begun learning more about the women in our demographic of ministry. While I have known the realities of prostitution and human trafficking for a while, it has been super intense to be learning so much so quickly, especially being right next to the red light district in El Alto. It has been really hard for me emotionally and spiritually, but I am learning to hold tight to the hope we have in Christ and his promise to redeem our broken world. The hardest thing has been realizing that even if dozens of women choose to leave the sex industry, more women will continue to fill their places if we do not address the root issue, which is the tremendous demand for the industry. Mashismo is not dead and it has almost become accepted here for men to buy prostitutes. It has become acceptable to buy and sell people. Pray with me for the redemption of the lives of the women involved in prostitution and for the men that patronize the brothels.
I have also really enjoyed reconnecting with old friends. I am on my way now to play soccer with my old shoeshiner friends! Hopefully I can update you more often! Thanks for your prayers and support!
Tuesday, July 3, 2012
Fundraising Update
Hi Friends!
I just wanted to update you all on my fundraising progress for my upcoming commitment in Bolivia. My departure date is set for July 19, just over 2 weeks from now. It was exciting to hear today that a family in El Alto, Bolivia has invited me into their home for the duration of my stay! It still feels surreal that I will be back in Bolivia in a matter of weeks. It still feels like there is much to do before my departure. And there is still much to do in the way of fundraising. But within all of this I am doing my best to hang onto hope and trust the Lord to provide for all of my needs, even the seemingly insignificant ones.
As far as fundraising goes... I am up to about 25% of my total goal. It's easy to look at this number and get a little discouraged. But what do I have to fear? God has always proven to be faithful and has provided for my needs in good times and bad. Perhaps this lack of funds is a continuation of the lessons God brought up for me over and over again during the internship in LA. There was definitely a theme throughout the internship of giving up control to Him and learning not to rely on my own skills, talents, and privilege to get by in life. It's a tough lesson. I've never been without, never experienced great need. And this seems to be part of the problem... my track record in life makes it easy to be tempted to believe that all the abundance in my life is my own doing. This can result in an attitude of selfishness and an individualistic outlook on finances.
I pray that the Lord will rid me of this brokenness. It's not going to happen overnight, but I'm hoping that my faith will grow little by little until lacking a few thousand dollars won't seem like a big deal at all because I know that God will care for me in one way or another and is capable of great miracles, beyond my imagination.
I have also begun to pray about whether or not God is asking me to provide a significant chunk of the finances for this trip. Even after a couple years of unemployment/underemployment, I am holding onto a few thousand dollars in my savings account. It feels good to have this safety net. It seems smart to have something to fall back on. But can it be called faith if I rely so much on my own riches? I don't think that God calls all of us to live with $0 in our bank accounts, but I am convicted to re-examine and re-prioritize my finances as I continue to pursue a call to the poorest of the poor. Please pray with me for clarity and humility in this season.
If you would like to partner with me financially to help me reach my goal of $3800, your gifts would be a great blessing to me. You can contact me for more information or see the previous post for instructions on how to donate. Thank you so much, friends. I love you and cherish you greatly.
I just wanted to update you all on my fundraising progress for my upcoming commitment in Bolivia. My departure date is set for July 19, just over 2 weeks from now. It was exciting to hear today that a family in El Alto, Bolivia has invited me into their home for the duration of my stay! It still feels surreal that I will be back in Bolivia in a matter of weeks. It still feels like there is much to do before my departure. And there is still much to do in the way of fundraising. But within all of this I am doing my best to hang onto hope and trust the Lord to provide for all of my needs, even the seemingly insignificant ones.
As far as fundraising goes... I am up to about 25% of my total goal. It's easy to look at this number and get a little discouraged. But what do I have to fear? God has always proven to be faithful and has provided for my needs in good times and bad. Perhaps this lack of funds is a continuation of the lessons God brought up for me over and over again during the internship in LA. There was definitely a theme throughout the internship of giving up control to Him and learning not to rely on my own skills, talents, and privilege to get by in life. It's a tough lesson. I've never been without, never experienced great need. And this seems to be part of the problem... my track record in life makes it easy to be tempted to believe that all the abundance in my life is my own doing. This can result in an attitude of selfishness and an individualistic outlook on finances.
I pray that the Lord will rid me of this brokenness. It's not going to happen overnight, but I'm hoping that my faith will grow little by little until lacking a few thousand dollars won't seem like a big deal at all because I know that God will care for me in one way or another and is capable of great miracles, beyond my imagination.
I have also begun to pray about whether or not God is asking me to provide a significant chunk of the finances for this trip. Even after a couple years of unemployment/underemployment, I am holding onto a few thousand dollars in my savings account. It feels good to have this safety net. It seems smart to have something to fall back on. But can it be called faith if I rely so much on my own riches? I don't think that God calls all of us to live with $0 in our bank accounts, but I am convicted to re-examine and re-prioritize my finances as I continue to pursue a call to the poorest of the poor. Please pray with me for clarity and humility in this season.
If you would like to partner with me financially to help me reach my goal of $3800, your gifts would be a great blessing to me. You can contact me for more information or see the previous post for instructions on how to donate. Thank you so much, friends. I love you and cherish you greatly.
Update Letter - June 2012
On Sunday, my class and I were commissioned out of the internship and into the rest of life! I can't believe it's been almost 2 years and it's all over now! It has been an absolutely incredible experience. Some of the highlights of the internship have been experiencing great community on the team, learning to overcome fear and step out in fath, naming and practicing my gifts and talents, growing in teaching and authority, and becoming more secure in my identity as God's beloved daughter. Praise the Lord! It's hard to summarize this amazing 2-year experience, but I have posted a much more detailed version on my blog if you're interested in the specifics. You can find it here!
And you might be asking yourself, what's next for Ali? Well, in a couple of weeks I will be moving back to Colorado with my parents. And then a couple of weeks later I will be heading back to Bolivia! I am going to spend a couple of months with one of the ministries that I visited during my exploratory trip last November - Word Made Flesh. I will be living in a poor area of El Alto, volunteering at the Word Made Flesh drop-in center for women in prostitution, potentially volunteering with other ministries among the poor, and growing in discipleship alongside the Word Made Flesh staff team. This will be an extended exploration of the Word Made Flesh ministry in Bolivia and a time to discern a longer commitment. I will be leaving mid-July and have much to prepare before boarding the plane. Among the many preparations, I would love to form a team of prayer warriors for this journey. Please email me if you would like to commit to praying for me. I will also need to raise money to cover my expenses, which I anticipate to be around $3,000. If you are able to give financially to this trip, please follow the below instructions:
1 - Give via Credit Card: Go to www.wordmadeflesh.org and click on the "Donate" link in the bottom left corner of the page. In the "Use my Donation For" box, enter "Alison Fraze".
2 - Give via Check, by sending to:
Word Made Flesh
P.O. BOX 70
Omaha, NE 68101
Write "Alison Fraze" in the memo line of the check or include a separate piece of paper with my name on it.
I don't know what the future holds, but I'm excited to continue down the path of discernment and pursue God's will for my life. I am very grateful for your partnership throughout my time in Los Angeles and into the future. Blessings!
- Good time with my family before heading to Bolivia
- Logistics of the move to Colorado and Bolivia
- Peace and faith as I move into a new season
- Financial provision for my time in Bolivia
- Continued security in my identity as Christ's beloved
And you might be asking yourself, what's next for Ali? Well, in a couple of weeks I will be moving back to Colorado with my parents. And then a couple of weeks later I will be heading back to Bolivia! I am going to spend a couple of months with one of the ministries that I visited during my exploratory trip last November - Word Made Flesh. I will be living in a poor area of El Alto, volunteering at the Word Made Flesh drop-in center for women in prostitution, potentially volunteering with other ministries among the poor, and growing in discipleship alongside the Word Made Flesh staff team. This will be an extended exploration of the Word Made Flesh ministry in Bolivia and a time to discern a longer commitment. I will be leaving mid-July and have much to prepare before boarding the plane. Among the many preparations, I would love to form a team of prayer warriors for this journey. Please email me if you would like to commit to praying for me. I will also need to raise money to cover my expenses, which I anticipate to be around $3,000. If you are able to give financially to this trip, please follow the below instructions:
1 - Give via Credit Card: Go to www.wordmadeflesh.org and click on the "Donate" link in the bottom left corner of the page. In the "Use my Donation For" box, enter "Alison Fraze".
2 - Give via Check, by sending to:
Word Made Flesh
P.O. BOX 70
Omaha, NE 68101
Write "Alison Fraze" in the memo line of the check or include a separate piece of paper with my name on it.
I don't know what the future holds, but I'm excited to continue down the path of discernment and pursue God's will for my life. I am very grateful for your partnership throughout my time in Los Angeles and into the future. Blessings!
Prayer Requests:
- Good time of fun and goodbyes here in Los Angeles- Good time with my family before heading to Bolivia
- Logistics of the move to Colorado and Bolivia
- Peace and faith as I move into a new season
- Financial provision for my time in Bolivia
- Continued security in my identity as Christ's beloved
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