Over the last year, the Lord has continued to bring up an image of pilgrimage. It first came to me more than a year ago through a Psalm, "Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage" (Ps. 84:5). I was striving to know the Lord's purpose for my life, begging for direction and vision for the future. Instead, he reminded me that it's not about the destination. It is on the journey that we experience intimacy with our Father. As we move ahead one step at a time, we learn the voice of God and slowly grow in trusting his guidance. Sometimes I get frustrated with the Lord's pattern of revealing his will one tiny step at a time. But this slow, steady pace has helped produce perseverance and an unwavering trust in where God is taking me.
At our final Servant Partners prayer retreat last weekend, God continued the theme. Each of us had an extended period of prayer within a small group of teammates where we dove deeper into an issue related to discerning our future... or at least the next tiny step of it. When it came to my turn, I prefaced our prayer time by explaining that I am beginning to become anxious about the future. The Lord has given me this strong call to Bolivia, but knowing that this call could actually become a reality in the next year or so has started to make me nervous. It causes me to question my call. Is this call really from God? What are my fears, insecurities, and motivations related to this call? Am I really attuned to God's voice in this? How will I know when to go? Am I sufficiently prepared and equipped to go? I asked for any promises, affirmations, or confirmations the Lord might have for me. His response was clear and encouraging.
We opened up the prayer time with a space for listening. During this time, God brought a picture to my mind. I was walking along a tough mountain trail. I felt very alone, scared, unsure of where I was headed. I sensed that he was calling me to lighten my load as I walked up the hard trail. He asked me to strip away everything that I didn't need. When I asked him what those things were, I sensed that he was calling me to let go of expectations, fears, insecurities, and all the ways I want to be ultra-prepared for the journey ahead. Then I began to cry out to God. "But the journey will be hard! Who will lead me? Who will help me up the hill? Who will keep me warm?" And the Lord calmed my anxiety by responding, "I will be your tent, I will keep you warm, I will lead you." God confirmed his promises to me through those I was praying with. Tabor sensed a strong partnership with God and a call to remember all of the work "we've" done together. Also hearing the promise, "You are more ready than you think." Liz also received many encouraging scriptures - Matthew 6:25-34 (Remembering the lavish gifts of God and an invitation to experience his abundance), Psalm 23:6 ("goodness, love, and mercy will 'chase you down' for the rest of your life"), Lamentations 3:21-23 ("Your mercies are new every morning, great is your faithfulness"), and even my favorite verse from Psalm 84 (referenced above). I was spurred on to actively remember the Lord's faithfulness in my life and memorialize those stories through an Ebenezer of sorts. I haven't decided what that will be yet, but I'm encouraged to create a visual reminder of God's faithful presence in my life.
I am so encouraged. I love how God is teaching me to connect with him through images and visual reminders. I am a very visual person and love anything tangible... and I love that God knows that and generously provides. :) Thanks for praying with me through this process. It's hard to believe that we only have 3 months left in the Servant Partners internship! I'll hopefully be blogging more often as I sort through where the Lord might be leading me next. Stay tuned!
