Sights and Sounds

The ministry in Bolivia works with women and families affected by prostitution. When deciding to work with this particular ministry, I did not feel a specific call to this demographic, but felt like God was inviting me to learn with him. During my 9 week internship, they slowly eased us into this new world. We spent about a month educating ourselves on the realities of prostitution and sex trafficking. Even though the people in the articles and videos were not personal friends, I felt a huge emotional burden as I began to step into their world. The realities of the sex trade are startling and sickening. The reality of a person selling their body, whether by "choice" or force, dozens of times a night is a dark and tragic existence. I found myself incredibly overwhelmed and angered by the situation. And my biggest struggle was a temptation to harbor hate and bitterness towards the "johns" and the brothel owners and crumble under the paralysis of hopelessness.

Towards the end of my time with the ministry, I was able to join a few of the staff members for their weekly visit to the brothels. I went into the night feeling scared and nervous about what kind of things my eyes might see and what kind of emotions might well up in my heart. Thankfully, we begin the night in prayer, giving the Lord our fears and weaknesses and asking for his guidance and protection. The whole night I basically stayed back and solely focused on observing and taking in the surroundings. We visited about three brothels that night. We spent our energies walking through each of the brothels, looking for available girls, introducing ourselves and our center, and getting to know a little of their story.

The brothels were dark and smokey. There were large propane space heaters to keep the buildings warm in the harsh El Alto climate. Dozens of doors lined the hallways, usually on two separate floors. The women stood by their doors waiting for perspective clients. The rooms were tiny - just enough room for a twin bed and a side table, usually lit up with an eerie red light. The women were very diverse in age and appearance. The ages ranged from 15 or so up to mid-50s perhaps. Some of the women were dressed very traditionally, others had more modern sexy clothing, and still others wore absolutely nothing. Before the men started to arrive the women leisurely got themselves ready for their work ahead. Many changed into sexy outfits, many applied thick make-up, others seemed to spend their free time getting high or drunk, and several socialized with their friends and neighbors in the brothel. One image that sticks in my head is of a young woman counting the number of condoms that she had for the evening - there must have been about 20 or 30. In the middle of the brothels there was often a bar and a small convenience store, selling the likes of condoms, lubricators, etc. Around 7pm the men began to flood in. The music got pumped up and the lights turned down. I was overwhelmed by the number of men wondering through the narrow hallways.

As I squeezed past the hundreds of men and dodged their staring eyes, my emotions were running high. I felt grossed out and judgmental of the men. But I also felt sized up and like the men were wondering if we too were offering services. Mostly, the men and the girls were just curious about what we were doing there. The biggest fear I had and the main reason I didn't want to make eye contact with the men was because I was terrified that I would run into someone I knew. But I was surprised and happy that God really seemed to give me an incredible love and compassion for the women. They are each lovely and unique and made in the image of God. They often have husbands and children. They have many challenges, but also joy and so much beauty. I truly believe that if given the choice, each of the women would choose to leave their life in the brothels. But sometimes it's just easier to stay. These women need to know that they are loved and valued by God their Creator. That they are meant for so much more. They need to know that there are other options. There is hope for a better future. I am so grateful to be a part of this important ministry.

Community

Community was a recurring theme for me in Bolivia. I flew to Bolivia after two intense years in LA, sharing life on so many levels with my Servant Partners internship team. Leaving my community in LA, being the only one of the 12 to do so, and starting life in a foreign land was HARD. For the first several weeks, I experienced intense feelings loneliness, isolation, and sadness. Over time I realized that I was grieving the separation from my friends and community in LA.

Going to Bolivia, I was expecting to receive a clear yes or no in regards to my fit with the organization of Word Made Flesh. And one of my biggest hopes in terms of a ministry to which I could commit my life was an intimate and tight community. Honestly, I was expecting it to closely resemble my community life in LA. My first few weeks in Bolivia left me feeling disappointed and discouraged. The American missionaries seemed to be pretty disconnected - socially, spiritually, and especially geographically. And there seemed to be little shared life among the American and Bolivian staff outside of official work hours. I started to believe that this just wasn't the best fit for me.

But thankfully, time brought clarity, change, and peace of mind. I learned to voices my concerns, needs, and sadness to a couple of my closest friends in the ministry. They responded with love, prayer, and tangible action. My vulnerability allowed me to receive love and healing from my community. From that day on, my sense of community and intimacy with my teammates felt completely different. Also, I was able to process some of my hopes, ideals, and disappointments with some of the veteran staff. I was challenged to consider the importance of sustainability and convicted by the ways that I was judging other peoples' lifestyle adjustments and compromises. I was also deeply encouraged and grateful for the ways that the Lord himself really cared for me in my season of sadness and need. I feel like this season of darkness really helped solidify my trust in God the Father to care for me in amazing ways. I can be sure that whatever community I am surrounded by will NOT be perfect, but I can also be sure that God is able and willing to care for me completely, making up for whatever is lacking in my physical community.

About halfway through my time with the ministry in Bolivia we had a community event. We spent a whole day at a beautiful park and shared life together. We spent about an hour discussing community - what it looks like, what it means to us, how we are/aren't experiencing loving community within the ministry. At first, NO ONE talked, especially the Bolivian staff. But eventually most everyone shared and I was encouraged by the honesty and vulnerability. It was obvious that there were some major holes in our community, but I could also sense an authentic desire to grow and learn to care for one another in a more comprehensive manner. It will take lots of time and intentionality, but I am encouraged and hopeful that all of us (Bolivian and American) can grow and mature as a community.

And even though the WMF community isn't perfect, I am confident that the Lord will provide in incredible ways. Even during my short time in Bolivia, I was encouraged to find community outside of the WMF staff. I feel like the Lord is reassuring me that he would care for me in extravagant and unexpected ways if I were to commit my life to the ministry in Bolivia and that he would provide a loving and diverse community for me.