Making Bolivia My Home

I arrived here in Bolivia over a week ago now. It's still very surreal to be here. I've had the desire to make a long-term commitment to Bolivia for several years now. But knowing the somewhat indefinite length of my commitment makes everything feel very different. While I was so excited to land in La Paz (especially since there was snow on the ground!), I instantly felt a little panicked. "Holy crap, I just moved to Bolivia." 

And along with this long-term commitment comes many new logistics to figure out. I can no longer enter as a "tourist" and come and go as I please. I entered the country with a "specific purpose visa," demonstrating my intention to make a legitimate commitment to this place. With my visa, I have 30 days to complete my application for residency. (But at this point it's more like 20 days!) It's difficult not to feel overwhelmed and slightly clueless about the process. I'm trying not to let my anxiety overtake me. 

This first week or so here has been full of emotions - great excitement and anticipation, joy in reuniting with good friends, anxiety about all of the unknowns, and extreme sadness to be so far from my family. Since I've spent quite a bit of time here in Bolivia and already feel quite sure of my love for this country and its people, I seem to have skipped over the typical honeymoon period of living in a new place. I seem to have jumped right into culture shock. The difficult thing about culture shock is that there's really no telling how long it will last. I can feel myself grieving the distance from my family and friends, a process which cannot be rushed or pushed aside. 

While I am truly excited to be here and make this place my home, I have come to realize that this process will not come without some major stretching and growing pains. One moment I am marveling at the reality of being here, but the next moment I find myself struggling to find joy in the pain of this grieving period. I seem to always be on the verge of tears. 

I often find hope and consolation in the Psalms, and today the Lord brought me to these verses in Psalm 94: "When I said, ' My foot is slipping,' your love, O Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul." (Ps 94:18-19)

So it's in this valley that I find consolation from the Lord. While I am currently overwhelmed with anxiety and grief, I have great hope that the Lord will lead me to a place of great joy. My heart is full of anticipation for the future, for the day when Bolivia truly will be my home.