You Give and Take Away

Lyrics to one of my favorite worship songs. These words have meant so much to me on my Christian walk for many different reasons and remind me that God is good despite my circumstances and He deserves my praise. If you're not familiar, check out the song here.

This past week has been... tough. You can call it homesickness from being away from my family over the holidays, or maybe frustration/loneliness from the fruitless job search, or maybe just hormones. Whatever it was, I don't think I've cried so much in a single week, ever.

It started off with God really pushing me in the area of conflict resolution. A couple minor incidents with teammates left me feeling a little sad/disrespected/misunderstood. Even though I really struggle in this area, I am determined to grow, with God's help. I was able to bring up one tiny conflict with a roommate all by myself (after hours of working up to it :-/). And then just the next day there was a small incident with another teammate that left me crying randomly in a coffee shop. But I'm so thankful for my teammates. Instead of brushing off my weirdo crying episode, my two awesome teammates that were with me forced me to talk about my feelings! Right then and there. I was feeling pretty awkward talking about feelings in the very public coffee shop table and it wasn't helping that I was half-way sobbing through my words. Phew, who knew talking about feelings could be so exhausting?

And then on Monday, what I thought would be a great day at orientation for a potential tutoring position, turned into an emotional, confusing, frustrating nightmare. After being required to sign paperwork in order to get fingerprinted (making me liable for the $88 charge - which I knew nothing about going into the day), the staff proceeded to spend the majority of the day teaching us how to fill out all of the required paperwork and time cards for the job, finally arriving at the details of the contract employee agreement contract. There were some fishy lines in the contract which held each contractor liable to all of the hours corresponding to the students that they are assigned. Each hour that is not completed by the end of the semester (due to lack of time, missed sessions, or resigning from the position), would require the contractor to pay the tutoring company at $27/hour. Based on the fact that the tutoring schedule might not work great with the SP internship schedule and that I would most likely still need to look for a more permanent position, I did not feel comfortable being held liable for all those hours. After explaining all this to the staff and telling her I really didn't feel like the position was a good fit, I told her that I didn't think I'd be coming back for the second day of orientation and asked if there was any way that she could cancel the fingerprinting and the financial charge. She said there was no way to do that and that I'd be held liable for the $88, and that I might as well come for the second day of orientation just in case I changed my mind about working with them in the future. I reluctantly turned in my paperwork and left that place feeling mad, frustrated, confused, and cheated. Then I cried about it, then I cried some more when I explained it to each of my roommates, and then some more when the team was over at our place for dinner that night. Ugh, I hate crying so much. That same day, my roommate received a full time job offer. Which is GREAT! But which did serve to throw a little salt on the wound.

And then a few days later, I realized that a potential "employer" that I had been corresponding with via email, was a complete scam. This one hurt since it was the first and only positive response that I have received from an engineering position. But after some further research, it looks like the company is a complete hoax. I guess they get schmuck job searchers like me to buy the "required" review manual for their skills assessment exam. Thankfully, I didn't give them any money before the scam radar went off. Thanks a lot, jerks.

All the crap aside, God is faithful. He continues to walk with me and provide everything that I need each day. I am determined to continue putting one foot in front of the other and trust Him to lead me down the right path. On this first of the year, I'm praying for a blessed 2011. A year full of new things, opportunities, growth of character, faith, and skills, and continual dependence on my good and faithful Lord. I pray the same for you in this new year. He alone is powerful!

In other news, I have my first legit interview on Monday. It's a phone interview with a real company for a real job that sounds really awesome. Your prayers are greatly appreciated!